Today I had a minor breakdown. I was concerned about the looming specter of final papers and the immediate ghoul of I don't even know what I'm writing about yet. Then ideas! Merritt was kind enough to talk some things through with me and ideas were a flowing. Oh! Look at the time! Office hours for my professor. Let's go! So I describe these great ideas. First response? No. No no no. My heart fell into my stomach and gave me an ulcer. I've never had an ulcer before. He proceeded to be quite helpful but the damage was done and I felt like storming out of the office screaming and throwing things. You know those moments where you can feel a tension in your head and it's not a headache? Where it feels like with just a minor push, just a little nudge, something will bend or break and you will begin to drool and your filter will melt away? That's where I was and I knew it was necessary to contain it. I zapped that fucker with a dematerializer but the side effects were crazy eyes, shortness with others, and minor mania.
It has subsided and I have a place to start, I think, but we shall see how it rolls. All I'm saying now is keep your cool. I almost lost my shit today.
PS - I don't actually have an ulcer. That was a metaphor. And a heart that acidic is probably unfit for human use.
No comments:
Post a Comment